Why Most Goals Fail (and what the Science says actually works)

Every January, the same ritual unfolds.

Fresh notebooks (who doesn’t love a new notebook!). New gym memberships (my Zumba class has doubled this month!). Bold declarations about the ‘new me’.

And then, quietly, by February or March, most of those goals fade into the background of everyday life.

This isn’t because people are lazy, unmotivated, or incapable of change. In fact, the science tells us something far more interesting and far more hopeful.

Most goals fail because they’re chosen with the head, not anchored in the heart. 💚

Why most goals don’t stick

Research consistently shows that a large proportion of goals and New Year’s resolutions are abandoned within weeks. The usual explanation is a lack of discipline or willpower, but willpower is a limited resource - motivation fluctuates, life intervenes.

The deeper issue is this: many goals are outcome-focused, socially inherited, or based on what we think we should want.

“I should exercise more.”“I should earn more.”“I should be more productive.”

When goals are built on obligation rather than meaning, they rely almost entirely on short-term motivation. Motivation, as anyone who’s tried to change a long-standing habit knows, is unreliable.

Goals that fail are often:

• Too vague or too ambitious

• Disconnected from identity

• Competing with existing habits and environments

• Driven by external pressure rather than internal values

This doesn’t mean goal setting is broken. It means we’re often starting in the wrong place.

The problem with New Year’s resolutions

New Year’s resolutions aren’t inherently bad; they’re just structurally flawed.

They’re calendar-driven rather than meaning-driven. They encourage sweeping change instead of gradual, sustainable shifts and they often focus on the what without addressing the why.

Psychologically, the new year acts as a temporal landmark. It creates a sense of a fresh start, which can be motivating, but without an emotional anchor, that motivation has a short shelf life.

When the excitement wears off and real-life resumes, the goal has nothing solid to stand on.

The problem isn’t that people set goals in January. It’s that they set goals without a reason strong enough to survive February. Call me cynical but I’m sure my Zumba class will start to shrink in size by March.

Emotional connection is the missing link

One of the most robust findings in behavioural science is that goals aligned with intrinsic values are far more likely to be sustained than those driven by external rewards or social expectation.

When a goal connects to something that genuinely matters to you, it changes how effort feels.

Instead of: “I have to do this.” It becomes: “This matters to me.”

Emotionally meaningful goals activate persistence, improve focus, and increase resilience when progress is slow. They’re also more likely to survive discomfort, boredom, and setbacks.

This is where self-reflection becomes essential.

Not “What do I want to achieve?” but “Why does this matter to the person I want to become?”

This reminds me of the challenges I experienced in my early career - I wanted to move into a stable and rewarding career in HR but lacked the required education and experience. I wanted to be a good role model for my son - this was my emotional meaning. This became my driving factor as I persisted through night classes, college and university to achieve my HR degree and professional certification. Then for 18 months, I was repeatedly told I was over-qualified and under-experienced when trying to get a HR role. I could have easily given up on my objective, but I was driven by my intrinsic values and the person I wanted to become.

When a goal supports identity, it stops feeling like a chore and starts feeling like an expression of who you are.

Atomic Habits and the Power of Small Wins

James Clear’s Atomic Habits offers one of the most practical and evidence-based approaches to turning meaningful goals into lasting change.

His central insight is simple but powerful: goals don’t create change, systems do.

Rather than obsessing over outcomes, focus on the small, repeatable behaviours that compound over time. Tiny changes, done consistently, can produce remarkable results.

Crucially, Clear emphasises identity-based habits. Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve?”, ask, “Who do I want to become?”

When habits reinforce identity, they stick. When they don’t, they tend to dissolve under pressure.

Emotion gives habits depth and repetition gives them momentum - together, they create change that lasts.

What About Grit and Discipline?

I’m currently reading Martin Seligman’s Flourish and he talks about grit - an extreme trait of self-discipline - a combination of very high persistence and high passion for an objective.

Martin Seligman and other researchers have highlighted the importance of perseverance and sustained effort in long-term success. Discipline, commitment and consistency matters, but discipline without meaning feels like punishment. Whereas discipline with meaning feels like devotion.

White knuckling your way through goals that don’t resonate is exhausting. Applying discipline in service of something you genuinely care about is energising.

The most effective form of grit isn’t relentless self-control. It’s showing up, repeatedly, for something that feels worth the effort.

How to Set Goals That Actually Work

If you want your goals to last, start here:

1️⃣ Begin with meaning

What value does this goal serve? What part of your identity does it support?

2️⃣ Translate meaning into behaviour

What small, realistic action reflects that value in daily life?

3️⃣ Design your environment

Make the habit easier to start and harder to avoid. Willpower is not a strategy.

4️⃣ Prioritise consistency over intensity

Small actions, done often, outperform big actions done occasionally.

5️⃣ Expect resistance

Motivation will dip - that’s normal. Grit shows up when enthusiasm fades.

This approach doesn’t rely on constant inspiration. It builds change into the fabric of everyday life.

A Final Reframe

Goals don’t fail because people are weak or undisciplined.

They fail because they’re disconnected from meaning, identity, and systems that support behaviour change.

When emotional relevance, habit design, and discipline align, progress becomes sustainable. Confidence grows and self-trust strengthens. Change stops feeling like something you’re forcing and starts feeling like something you’re living.

Before you set your next goal, pause.

Ask yourself not just what you want to achieve, but why it matters and who it’s helping you become.

That question changes everything.

Here’s to growth, renewal, and always staying committed to the work that makes everything else possible. 

Call to Action

If this resonated, take a moment to reflect:

❓Which goals have you struggled to sustain, and what might have been missing beneath the surface?

• Share your own experiences

• Connect on LinkedIn to continue the conversation

If you’d like support creating goals that align with who you are and how change actually works, I’d love to help.

Follow me for more insights by signing up to my blog and connecting with me on LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/gemmalhogan 

Feel free to leave a comment if anything resonates with you.

#newyearresolutions #goalsetting #intention #purpose #careercoaching #leadershipcoaching #talenta